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Can’t think of anything to say that I haven’t already said before.

Finding the way to cope

I had posted on my facebook page just a few days ago the blindsiding news that Morpheus has cancer. I say blindsiding, because I was in fact blindsided when the veterinarian told me that she thought she could feel a large mass in his midsection. I had gone in with Morpheus because he had repeatedly vomited his food. I didn’t think too much about the vomit since back in 2007 he had gastritis and I thought he was probably having the same thing again.

What I did not expect was for the doctor to have three of her colleges come and feel Morpheus and all have the same look of worry on their faces. Bloodwork was taken, all which came back normal, until finally a radiology was taken. Morpheus did in fact have a tumor the size of a grapefruit in his midsection. I was aghast. How the fuck did the doctors not notice it when he had his yearly exam back in August??? How had I not noticed that my dog was clearly sick??

I was given antibiotics to administer to him once we got home and special food for his vomiting. He was also given a shot to help him keep his food down.  On my way home I broke down. I had been texting with Will since he was in Alabama in Space Camp with the six graders and wasn’t nearby to talk to. I called my parents. I had to share the news in fear that if I kept it in I was going to die of sadness. The doctors had said for me to call them 3 days later to let them know how he was doing and if he didn’t go back to normal they were to schedule an exploratory surgery to see if they could remove the mass.

I ended up calling the doctors the next day. Morpheus wasn’t hungry. His normal loving and happy attitude was gone. He was lethargic. They scheduled his surgery for the next day, Friday. Once I got to the offices I was told that there was a great chance that the mass could not be removed. Four hours later I got the call that the tumor was too involved with his intestines and it was impossible to remove. They then asked me if I wanted him to wake up from surgery. I lost it. I told them yes that I wanted him to wake up. At that moment I was at work. I had to leave. I was a mess. I talked to the office and left work. I went over to the doctors office. I wanted to know what his options were. They told me there were none. They thought it was a miracle he was that healthy, that “fat”. While there he heard my voice and woke up, trying to find me. I knew then that he was a fighter. I told them I wanted to take him home once the meds wore off. I knew they there were just doing their job but being told Morpheus was a goner and had ‘days’ left was too much. If he was going to die I wanted him home with Abacus, Will, Ivy and I. He was sure as hell not going to be left on an operating table.

That was Friday. Today, three days later, Morpheus is doing pretty well. He is eating. He is drinking water. He is farting up a storm, but he is here. I can take his horrible farts as long as I know he is doing okay. I am not going to lie, there have been some worrisome moments. He has crawled under the bed, rubbing the six inch incision at least four times. He has pulled some stitches out. He has bruising in the area of the operation. All of these things he has done because he is active. All of these things he has done because he hates being told what to do. He is a fighter.

He is my son. For people that don’t understand how someone can love a dog so much has clearly never met Morpheus. My friend Katrina wrote on my wall something that describes Morpheus perfectly. “He is the most intelligent and lovable dog I have ever met”.

Morpheus has been my companion for the last seven and a half years. He has been with me through the ups and downs. He has been with me as boyfriends have come and gone. He has been on more plane rides than a lot of people I have met. He as lived in two different states and Puerto Rico. I will miss him whenever his time comes. But that time isn’t here yet and I plan on making sure he is loved and cared for until that time comes.

Thats how I am coping. I am going to fight for him. Just like he would fight for me. Fuck you grim reaper, you are going to have to get through me to get him.